Caregivers, it’s not all in your head. Your struggles are real, and you're not imagining the weight you're carrying.
In August of 2024 Dr. Vivek Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States, wrote a guest essay in the New York Times titled Parents Are at Their Wits’ End. We Can Do Better. He followed this with a 36 page report detailing the many stressors that parents and caregivers face.
The report identifies the individual and systemic challenges in providing care, from accessing support systems to the constant demands of caregiving. It also highlights the disparities parents face in accessing care. These strains were exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, when many families lost access to schools and other support networks.
What struck me most was the deep sense of loneliness and isolation many parents experience, whether partnered or single. I once asked my mother how women of my grandmother's generation, who often had 10 or more children, were able to raise them without support. She explained that my grandmother and her peers had much more support than each subsequent generation has had since. Neighbors in our barrios helped each other, held each other's babies, and made sure everyone was fed. They had cuarentena, when new mothers were nurtured and supported by those around them. It reminded me of a passage from The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, by Dr. Bruce Perry:
An overwhelmed mother could hand her infant off to an aunt, sister, or grandmother. There were, on average, four adolescents or adults for every young child. Today, we think a daycare center has an excellent adult/child ratio if there is one caregiver for every four children.
This contrast highlights just now much the caregiving landscape has shifted - and not for the better.
With the compounded realities of children's health, safety, special needs, financial strain, and parental isolation, it’s no wonder that caregivers are overwhelmed. If you work with caregivers, or if you are a caregiver, you're likely familiar with these challenges.
While we all have adversities, we also all have strengths. I won’t dismiss these challenges by sugarcoating things with toxic positivity; the reality is parenting is tough - but that you are not alone. Recognizing that societal changes need to be made isn't in itself a solution, but it's a start. As Dr. Murthy said, “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.”
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